Psychosis
by Dodde
Summary: After Natsuki is badly injured by Nao, Shizuru struggles to care for the girl, but her own inner demons do not make it easy. Twisted futa ShizNat.


**AN: This story is pretty dark, and for that I apologize. However, I personally believe that Shizuru's feelings for Natsuki were obsessive at times and wished to write a story from her point of view. It contains nonconsensual sex and futa themes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME/Otome.**

This was not good.

I dabbed at Natsuki's torn and bruised skin with a damp washcloth, unsure of what else I could do to further assist her. Using a basic first aid kit I had found in the bathroom, I managed to clean Natsuki's wounds and bandage that seemed to be the worst of the bunch. It seemed my efforts were in vain, for nothing I did was helping. She groaned and writhed on the bedroll, trying in vain to find a comfortable position to lie in while drifting in and out of a state of unconsciousness. She never once opened her eyes or said anything coherent.

I could do nothing to help my beloved.

I stopped my administrations and grabbed my head in both hands, pressing my fingertips into my temples. I was incapable of looking after her, and I knew that. Natsuki really ought to be in the care of properly trained medical staff, but how could I explain what had happened? Any excuse I could come up with would have to involve the authorities: People who had no business, and were no use, getting involved in the situation.

_'What, this? It's nothing, Officer. Really. She was just nearly mauled to death by a middle schooler with a giant, mechanical spider monster to do her bidding. Honestly, it is a fairly common occurrence in Japan and happens more often than you might think.' Oh, yes. A lot of good it would do me to be locked away in a mental institution with the Carnival in full swing._

I chuckled darkly at the thought of sitting in a sterile, padded room while the other HiMEs fought each other in order to protect their most precious person.

A foreboding voice rang through my skull and made my body tense.

**_Nao can't be allowed to live for what she has done to Natsuki, or to you._**

A quiet groan from Natsuki reminded me of my task and I abruptly stood.

_Now is not the time to think of revenge. I must tend to Natsuki._

I went to rummage through the medicine cabinet again, hoping to find anything that could be used that I may have overlooked earlier, but there didn't seem to be anything useful. Gauze strips, alcohol, and antibiotics could only get me so far. I swore under my breath, feeling myself losing my grip. I grabbed a small glass bottle with a dropper from the back of the cabinet and tried to read the label, but the ink was faded and left the text nearly illegible. However, one word could be made out: Codeine. Perhaps it was only a cold medicine, but codeine was something that helped with pain, right? Maybe if I could get Natsuki to drink some it would get her to sleep.

_For her sake, I hope it will work,_ I thought as I gathered up the bottle and a few more clean bandages. Kneeling back down beside my beloved and propped her head in my lap, beginning to administer the medicine drop by drop into her mouth. As time went on, I watched as her breathing went from shallow, shuddering breaths to slow and steady. Seeing the gradual change in hers caused my own breathing to even out. Maybe Natsuki would be fine after all. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead, noting that her fever was still high but not high enough to cause alarm. I pulled my legs out from under her head and laid down beside her on the bedroll, pressing close.

"My Natsuki looks so perfect, even now," I whispered, brushing her hair back from her face.

**_And so vulnerable._**

I shook my head vigorously as if to force out the voice. These impure thoughts of Natsuki would do nothing but hinder me if I truly wished to help her as best I could. How could I possibly take advantage of her in this state? However...

However, I had always wished to see more of Natsuki's body, to feel her warmth beneath my hands, to make love to her, and now might be the only chance I got to fulfill those desires. What if she succumbed to her injuries this night, or one of the other HiMEs found her? Would I be left to wonder for the remainder of my days about what could have been? What if...

**_Do it._**

I looked at my hand, now hovering above the zipper of her suit and forced myself to breathe deep. At my hesitation, the voice in the back of my head had become louder, more aggressive, and harder to dismiss. For far too long I had wanted this and this may very well be my only chance to get it, and I realized that deep down. As I argued with myself, knowing exactly what I should not do, I could no longer control what my body did and began to undress the woman in front of me. I unzipped the tattered leather suit and pulled it down to Natsuki's navel, where I paused and trailed my nails over her defined abs.

**_Who's to say she doesn't want this?_**

_I truly do not believe she does._

**You ****_want it. Isn't it time you think of yourself?_**

_Not if it means doing wrong to anyone, especially my Natsuki._

I was doing Natsuki wrong at that very moment. I knew she didn't want this; there was no doubt in my mind. Everything I was doing felt wrong and left a sour taste in my mouth, but I just...couldn't...stop myself.

As I slid her clothing off her body, I paused to kiss across any newly exposed skin: Her hips, outer thighs, inner thighs, knees, calves, ankles, even her feet and toes.

"_Ara_, Natsuki is so beautiful," I whispered against the smooth skin, sliding back up Natsuki's body and slipping a hand between her legs to cup her sex. My fingers tingled as they came into contact with the warmth and I groaned, feeling a tug in my lower abdomen. I was ready. Deep in my mind, I could only hope Natsuki was as well.

I stood and let my kimono fall, pooling around my feet and revealing my nude form, my erection standing tall. The cool night air raised goose bumps as it hit my exposed skin and I shivered: Whether from the cold or anticipation, I cannot tell. I dropped to my knees and crawled over to the bedroll and straddled my sleeping patient, leaning down and gently pressing our bodies together. I rested on my forearms to keep from putting too much weight on my lover and tangled my fingers in her midnight tresses, slowly rubbing my length along her stomach.

"I have always dreamed of this, being one with you, " I whispered breathlessly against Natsuki's lips, softly tracing them with my own. "Will you allow for those dreams to come true and become mine, Na-tsu-ki?"

She gave no response.

I pulled away from Natsuki and slipped between her legs, carefully placing them around my hips as I pressed my throbbing member against her wet entrance. Her body, battered and fatigued, had no reaction to what I was doing to it. It simply wanted to heal Natsuki, like how I had only moments before.

_What am I doing? Natsuki does not want this, and that much is certain._

**_For once, you must put your own needs before the needs of others. How often have you helped Natsuki when she had no one else to turn to? Who else has devoted so much of their time to helping her? If anyone deserves to take her, it is you and only you. You know that. Already, you call this woman yours. Would you truly forfeit her to someone else? You won't admit it, but you know as well as I that you would rather see her dead before you allowed that. Now, go and lay claim to what belongs to you. _**

I closed my eyes in silent surrender.

_There is no fighting this, and for that, I am sorry, Natsuki._

I inched myself into Natsuki and bit my lip to keep from crying out as the flood of pleasure surged through my body from the pit of my stomach.

Natsuki never moved.

I exhaled heavily as I nestled deeply into my unaware lover's heat. I laid down on the slumbering woman's chest, pressing an ear to her heartbeat: slow and calm. It eased me and I sat up on my knees, beginning to rock.

"_Ara_, I have finally lost my virginity to my most precious person. However, I wonder: Am I also Natsuki's first?"

I looked down and smiled at seeing a faint trace of blood where our bodies connected.

"Natsuki belongs to me now," I whispered, "and only me."

I began thrusting with added force, feeling her womanhood give more and more with each plunge but remaining deliciously tight.

"I love you, my Natsuki," I breathed against the soft skin of the midnight-haired woman's breast. My thrusting became frantic, resulting in a quick release spilling my seed into Natsuki's womb as I cried out, tears stinging the corners of my eyes as euphoria surged through my veins.

I fell onto shaking hands and panted, wishing to stay like this. I stared at the serene face before me and smiled sincerely for the first time that night. As my heart rate slowed, my head finally cleared of the urges that had clouded my thinking. I jolted, realizing what I had just done. I jerked my hands away from Natsuki's skin as if I had touched an open flame and clambered off the bedroll, gathering my kimono off the floor and I backed against the wall, covering my exposed body in the material.

_Oh, my Natsuki. What have I done to you?_

**_Only what you have wanted to do since meeting her. What is the shame in that?_**

"Shut up!" I hissed between gritted teeth, throwing my arms over my head and pressing my forehead to my knees. I tangled my clammy hands in my hair, tugging at it to try to wake myself from this nightmare, but to no avail. I lifted my head and allowed my eyes roved over her naked body, the body I had just soiled. I wish I had not looked.

For what seemed like years I stared at the sleeping woman, her chest rising and lowering steadily, face stoic, and completely in the dark about what I had just done to her. How I had just defiled her. Natsuki looked as peaceful as she did when sleep first took her and that made my stomach churn. I retched onto the floor, wishing that in doing so I could expel the darkness that resided within me. The only thing that accomplished was an even more bitter taste in my mouth and a stinging sensation at the back of my throat.

"She will never know," I mumbled as I crawled over to her bedroll and pulled the discarded blanket over her naked form.

I draped my kimono over my shoulders and walked outside. The smell of cherry blossoms filled the air, and I wished their beautiful fragrance were enough to mask the scent of the putrid soul that had managed to creep its way from my pores this evening and possess me. The festering stench of sweat, callousness, and sex that made my nostrils burn and eyes water lingered on my skin and I doubted anything could be done to cleanse myself.

The world is a cruel place, and this evening, my wickedness stole away a part of its innocence that I had once wished to protect above all else.

Natsuki continued her drug-induced slumber, the voice was finally silent, and I wept.

This was not good.


End file.
